What's Up Dog?

Last Friday afternoon our lead trainer walked into the training room with a light step and teasing spirit. Asked the class "What smells like updog in here?" After a few confused faces blinked back at her one of the trainees asked "What's updog?" She responded "Nothin' much G!" which was met with chuckles and shaking of heads. Flash forward to today and one of the trainees pulls Donna aside and with a sense of urgency exclaims "I have to talk to you. Both you and Dana, I have to clear the air!" Then with a heightened fervor, repeated the statement "I HAVE TO CLEAR THE AIR!!" Concerned, Dana and Donna escort him to a private room to allow him to express whatever was on his mind.

Before I launch into the details of that meeting, allow me to give a bit of background on this particular fellow. When he speaks, regardless of the situation or subject he wears a smile; almost like a baboon, it's a permanent fixture on his face at all times. At times it's difficult not to smile back at him when he speaks, since human nature is to return expression when conversing. Additionally, he happens to be the most anxiety filled human being on this planet. Piglet would be envious of the mini details this gentleman toils over, it absolutely radiates off of him. When first hired he explained to Donna that he was so riddled with anxiety that sometimes he just needed to take a walk, which normally wouldn't be that big of a deal, but this guy would be hoofing it around the building all day and would never complete a sale let alone a phone call. Also, he mentioned he has nerve damage all over his body (no real commentary as to why) and that's why once he receives a new handout or form he immediately crumples it up. (I think he does that because anxiety dictates his every move and a flat piece of paper is unacceptable to a person who is a ticking time bomb.) Once, while Donna was on break and outside smoking, he approached her and stated "Hey, I know this is gonna sound weird, (Oh, side-note? We hate this lead up to a sentence, because they're weird anyway. So, if what they're about to say is "weird" to THEM...well, it's guaranteed to be a bizarre off the wall statement) but I can't smell anything. I mean, I have no smell whatsoever so if ever I stink one day I need you to tell me, because I really have no sense of smell" I'm unsure of the response to that declaration since the story was told to me second hand, but I am confident that there really isn't an appropriate one.

So, back in the office present day, he starts off by saying "On Friday, when you said that it smelled in the training room..." Both trainers at first were baffled, unsure what situation he was referencing. He explained further, visibly unbalanced and nervous, grin never faltering "When you said it smelled like up dog in the room!?"
Donna explained that it was a joke and that she didn't notice an odor, but he continued on with his explanation,
"Because, remember that one day I told you I couldn't smell? And how also I have no feeling in my nerves? Well I don't know when I smell! So if that was me I didn't know it! I'm sorry that I smelled like updog!" Donna assured him (while heroically maintaining a straight face) that he did not smell and why would he think it was him?
"Well, because I have no smell I can't tell when I stink. Sometimes it happens to my feet, or 'down there'" And gestured to his private-part area. I believe Donna and Dana may be in the wrong profession and should actually be Oscar winning actors because the fact they didn't collapse into hysterical fits of giggles at that moment is astounding to me. Perhaps it was the state of shock that allowed them to carry on. Donna asked, "Oh, is it incontinence?" He explained, "no it just gets gassy sometimes" and that when he farts he has no idea because having nerve damage he cannot discern when a gas bubble may be surfacing so he pretty much just lets them rip. And therefore having no sense of smell has no idea that the cheese had been cut.
To sum up the meeting he made it very apparent that Donna and Dana are recommended to alert him if, and when this happens and remove him from the room. Like a service dog for an epileptic, the trainers are now required to usher him from the cubicle when any foul odors emit from his designated work space. So, it is now conceivable that among a very long list of duties the training team has, it is necessary to now also add "fart sniffers" to the checklist.
I believe I may sew them some badges for this new 'duty'.