The Case of the Purple Monkey and Wonky Dream-Catcher

Had to share an email that came through the Human Resources inbox a minute ago because I found it hysterical.

To; PHX
Subject; MISSING ITEMS
"Team,
We have a plant in Unit 301 and normally there is a purple stuffed monkey and a dream catcher hanging from it, these items disappeared sometime between 3:00 yesterday afternoon and 6:30 this morning."

We know how to decorate here and aren't afraid to blast out a scathing email in efforts to locate missing beloved ornaments. My first envisioning was an employee at the 1979 Arizona State Fair and winning said items after several hundreds of dollars spent on games designed to drain your pockets. Then that employee feeling it was a great idea to bring them to work and halting at the nearest unsuspecting silk plant,

"Oh goodness me, is this a plastic plant NOT decorated gaudily? Well lets rectify that!" And then shamelessly dangling the horrid baubles off an unsuspecting dusty limb, where there they stayed for the next 33 years. My best conclusion is the new janitorial service breezed in last night with specific intentions on cleaning and were quickly distracted by the dangling beauty. Perhaps while dusting the nearby desk, the dingy purple monkey (which really can only be called brown) caught one young cleaning person's eye and horrid unsavory intentions were quickly devised. "What is this gorgeous toy?" They may have asked themselves. "Why is this treasure just hanging here for anyone to snatch up? It's much too valuable an item to be hung in such a manner!" And quickly sneaking it in their pants crept out into the night, disregarding their job altogether and gleefully hopping and punching victorious fists in the air while crying out, "I'VE FINALLY FOUND IT! I AM COMPLETE!!!"

I'm pretty certain the Dream-Catcher may have been met with a similar fate. While the young cleaning person was stealthily creeping from the building striving for a quick escape; (purple monkey stuffed in pants) I see his boss come to the area to ensure it was tidy because, as we all know, good help is hard to find these days. Seeing a gently swaying feather and bead encrusted vision on the plant, he steps forward for a closer look and whispers excitedly to himself,

"Oh my stars I've finally found one! I have been unable to locate one of these lovely devices meant to catch your bad dreams! I am so envious of the large overweight women I see who insist on having seven or eight suspended from their rear view mirror in their 1985 Chevy Citation. Or the delicate earrings some of those same women adorn, in case during their daily activities, they fall into an unexpected micro-nap and can fall victim to a nightmare."

Quickly sliding it off the limb and dropping it into a nearby cleaning bucket he promptly covered his prize carefully with bottles of chemicals and calmly yet anxiously strolled from the building at the end of his shift. Nervously walking to his car and anticipating implication from a possible co-worker who possibly observed his actions, he was relieved to finally turn the ignition, hang his beautiful knickknack on his mirror, and drive into the sunrise towards freedom.

Or.......

Someone saw them as the trash they were, and threw them away not knowing they held any level of importance to anyone and is still too abashed to say anything since the detectives and dogs were sent out to locate their return. I like my version best.